Why, God?

Dear Heavenly Father,
Special prayers and thoughts for the families of Aurora, Colorado. Continue teaching us about mercy and forgiveness, Lord, we haven't quite got it yet. In Jesus' name. Amen.

      When tragedies happen, like they did this past weekend in Aurora, Colorado, I'm sure there are people wondering where God was, and why didn't He prevent this from occurring?

      But God was there. He was in the heroes who protected the people around them, loved ones, and strangers. I heard the story of one 19-year-old who used himself as a shield so that no harm would come to the children sitting near him. Or the people who escaped and then returned to the auditorium to help the others. God arrived quickly with the police. These were God's ordinary people showing courage; they inspire me to be a hero everyday. We never know what a kindness can mean to a stranger.

"I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world." Mother Theresa

Somebody that I used to know...

Heavenly Father,
Please bless everyone with safe travels, Lord. Prayers for those who have asked me to pray for them; for a couple of Special Intentions. Jesus, guide my words so that they bring you greater glory. In Jesus' name. Amen.
MUSIC
"Somebody that I used to know," by the artist "Goyte."

     I'm going to analyze this particular song, because it is incredibly haunting. This is not an attempt to saying anything untoward about Mr. Goyte himself, this is merely one woman's commentary on the behavior described in a song.
     I don't even particularly like the song, but I can't ever seem to change the channel on the radio when it's playing. I even sing along! LOL I heard from a friend that Goyte wrote this song as a compilation of his relationships. Are you familiar with the lyrics? No? Here they are, courtesy of a google search entitled, "Lyrics to Goyte's song 'Somebody that I used to know."(feat. Kimbra)

[Gotye:]

Now and then I think of when we were together

Like when you said you felt so happy you could die

Told myself that you were right for me

But felt so lonely in your company

But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Like resignation to the end, always the end

So when we found that we could not make sense

Well you said that we would still be friends

But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don't even need your love

But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough

No you didn't have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your records and then change your number

I guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

[Kimbra:]

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over

Part of me believing it was always something that I'd done

But I don't wanna live that way

Reading into every word you say

You said that you could let it go

And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

[Gotye:]

But you didn't have to cut me off

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don't even need your love

But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough

No you didn't have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your records and then change your number

I guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

[x2]

Somebody

(I used to know)

Somebody

(Now you're just somebody that I used to know)

(I used to know)

(That I used to know)

(I used to know)

Somebody

     Let's start with the first stanza's, um, issues: 'told himself she was right for him'; why did he need to 'tell himself'? Was he 'convincing' himself? Ew. As Tiny Fey's 30Rock Liz Lemon character says, "Deal breaker. Shut it down." In the next sentence he says he was 'lonely in her company.' Well that is just plain wrong, for everyone involved.
     'That was love and it's an ache he can still remember.' In his mind, love aches. I'm a romantic too, but this thinking seems amiss. In love, longing is good, pain is not.

     'The lonely, tortured artist' shines forth brilliantly in the second stanza."You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness." He's feeling disappointed that his 'object of love,' was not  the 'perfect person for him,' as he hoped. This probably happens a lot to him; his disappointment transforms into anguish, and he knows the despondency so well, he's become addicted to it. Almost as if he's saying, "Oh yes, this isn't working...there's the familiar 'rush' of feeling grief."
     This line is kind of sweet, "When we found we could not make sense." He's justifying the loss of connection. The woman is allowed her say, and she tells him,  'We'll still be friends." Unfortunately, the 'friends' route doesn't work quite like either party thinks. Even though this guy is a lover of love, he goes on to say, "He was glad it was over." If you put this in a song, all your past lovers will wonder if you felt that way about them. No one likes to have 'we're done,' spelled out for them so cruelly. Note to self: try not to be too mean when writing an anthology 'love' song.

     But wait, then he gets affronted when she 'cuts it off,' and 'acts like it never happened, and that we were nothing.' But he just said he was relieved it was over. Such a guy response; only if the guy breaks it off is it okay to say barbarous things. But she wasn't merely talking: she knew something had to be done to make things 'final,' and she did them.
    So which is it? Is he sad or angry?  More than likely, he's both. He does seem genuinely flabbergasted by her behavior, poor guy, but let's hear what she thinks of their lost affinity.

     They both start off saying that they think of each other, 'every now and then,' and she remembers how 'he screwed her over,' but she isn't obsessing about it.
     When people say things like 'every now and then,' or 'I'm not someone who always needs to be in a relationship,' what they are really saying is 'I think about you constantly,' and 'I've had girlfriends since high school ..." The people in this song are just verbally jabbing at each other. They're both hurt, and they want the other to know it and feel it.
     She's like the 'universal woman,' when she says it was something she did. Many women have this notion. Take heart, though, when two people are involved, each person had something to do with the break-up.
     She's a strong woman too, as we can attest to when she affirms, "But I don't wanna live that way, reading into every word you say." What I find interesting is when she mentions, "You said you could let it go; and I wouldn't catch you hung up on someone you used to know." Was this the reason why this alliance wasn't going to work? Did he accuse her of feeling this way, but it was really him projecting his own hurt from a past relationship ... hmm.

         He is feeling spurned, but doesn't respond to her venting; he continues blowing out his pain, anger, and sadness. He repeats again, 'it wasn't necessary for her to make it seem like they never happened, and they are nothing'; but he has no 'counteroffer' for how they should behave. He says this twice, must be important. Which I think let's her and the listeners  know he felt more for her than he thought he did. Maybe. He's not happy they aren't 'one flame' anymore, and reluctantly acknowledges this is just how things go...what is the alternative? Being friends?... That doesn't work. Another approach might be committing to working on the complicated affair.

     If you've ever seen the video, you'll notice they are nude. Lots of vulnerability between them.

     Overall, I think this song is a win-win for everyone involved. His former gf has a song about his feelings on their break-up, and she has her say. The rest of us can relate to the purging of this couple, while enjoying the funky music.

"I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world." Mother Theresa

Becoming Jane

Heavenly Father,
     Please bless everyone with safe travels, Lord. Prayers for those who have asked me to pray for them; and for two Special Intentions. Jesus, guide my words so that they bring you greater glory. In Jesus' name. Amen.
       I watched Becoming Jane for the 'nth' time this past weekend. I've wanted to write about this movie for some time, so here goes. Spoiler alert.

      Jane Austen chooses to marry for love, not money. Even though she lives in poverty, she will not be swayed to marry without emotion. She remains true to her craft, and made a living by it. In the 18th Century, for a woman to make a living by writing was unheard of, and often ridiculed. I'm saying this from the information garnered through the movie; her mom maliciously tells her in one poignant scene, after Jane refuses the offer of marriage from a wealthy gentleman named Wisley. Her mom tells her, "How will you live, Jane? By what...your pen?! You'll die a penniless, old spinster!" But Jane is a courageous woman and doesn't care what 'society' thinks of her, or her passion; in fact, she uses her writing to mock the thoughts of the day. She is who she is, and doesn't apologize for it.

     Then Jane meets the handsome Londoner named Tom LeFroy, portrayed beautifully by James MacAvoy, and they fall in love. Tom relies on his uncle, a judge in London, for his livelihood, and his education. They decide to see Tom's uncle, so that Tom can ask for his uncle's blessing; which would mean that Jane and Tom can be together, and not live in poverty.
     But alas, a letter arrives anonymously to Tom's uncle, just seconds before Tom is about to speak to him. In the letter, Jane is described as a desperate woman, vying for Tom's money (this is conjecture on my part; we're never told exactly what's in the letter.).  We do, however, see the uncle furiously storm out of the study, and refusing to give Tom any kind of blessing whatsoever.

     It is so terribly sad to see Tom's face when Jane enters the room, asking what happened. Tom is too stunned for words, but does manage to explain to Jane that they can't get married; his family relies on the money from his uncle. To see Tom this way contradicts his masculinity shown in the first hour of the film and it's heartbreaking. Jane tries to persuade him otherwise, saying they'll survive on her writing, but Tom doesn't believe it. When Jane comprehends the depth of what Tom is saying, she, her brother and her cousin leave London.
     I like that the movie allows the audience to see that Tom is love-stricken, and in such pain by the loss of Jane; it's cathartic. He still goes to 'houses of ill-repute,' but with much less vigor then was shown in the beginning. Jane is hurting too. The images of her pulling away from a conversation with her sister, to walk alone on the beach, emanates a profound sense of loss.

      But all hope is not lost! Tom returns a few weeks later, and asks Jane to elope with him. She quickly agrees. The wagon that is carrying them to Scotland gets stuck in the mud, and Jane is given Tom's things to hold while he helps push the wagon.  This is when she 'finds' a letter from Tom's mother, thanking him for the money he sent.When the wagon stops at a resting point, Jane asks Tom about his family; how many brothers and sisters he has, what their names are...Tom gets a little defensive because he knows where this questioning is leading. Jane is now fully cognizant of the repercussions of their actions. She comes to the same conclusions Tom came to when they were in London with his uncle. Jane leaves him there, at the rest stop. Tom is beside himself, but sees her resolve and doesn't run after her.

     Turns out that the letter sent to Tom's uncle was from another suitor of Jane's. This suitor was intent on disrupting any kind of union between Jane and Tom. Unfortunately, I've known men like this, and the anger you feel when you realize how selfish this person is, cannot be described easily.

     Jane and Tom see each other many, many, many years later, at an opera. Tom is a lawyer and married. Jane is a successful writer. Tom has his daughter with him, who he's named Jane, and Jane Austen does a private reading of one of her story's to Tom's daughter.

     Bitter sweet ending. Sigh.

     Reader, you can probably see why I wrote about this movie. Yes, I identify with Jane Austen's character in Becoming Jane. I've read on wiki that this relationship between Jane and Tom didn't actually happen, but it certainly made for a great movie.

"I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world." Mother Theresa

A peek into one teacher's June, 2012

Hello friends,
Heavenly Father, grant my words give you greater glory and praise. For everyone who has asked for my prayers, Lord, this is a prayer for them. For all marriages and single people, Lord, may they keep their focus on You. For two special intentions. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
Since most ppl wonder what teachers do during summer.
I thought I'd share what I'm doing/did this summer.

Career-wise
Since I'm looking for a school counseling job, I searched the surrounding districts for the names and phone numbers of folks I wanted to speak with; mostly the heads of the counseling departments.
Various paperwork was exchanged. I highlight the fact that I speak/read/write Spanish fluently, so as to separate myself from the rest of the applicants.
Thank the Lord, he granted me an interview with the larger district in the area.
Principals won't return to work until July 16th, so that's when I'll call schools again.

Domestic-wise

I've begun in my bedroom, by cleaning out all the clutter. I donated many clothes and shoes.

(I have this "policy" about my clothes and shoes; if I buy a pair a shoes, I've got to get rid of a pair; if I buy a couple of blouses, a couple of blouses get donated...)

My clothes are now hanging in the order of the rainbow. From left to right, dark to light. It's really pretty awesome! (I know, I'm a dork, and I'm okay with that.)

But, ahem, to get back to the topic: I am making my way to the other side of the house. I've finished my room, the linen closet, my bathroom. Next I'll do the spare bedroom - so many Christmas things to be donated and arranged! - plus my classroom things that need to be moved to my front office room. Then it's on to the front room, living room, kitchen, and lastly, the laundry room. Hopefully to be finished before August arrives. This is a huge undertaking and will probably take me most of July.

Spiritual-wise

I've gone to mass and prayed the rosary every day. Always make time for Jesus! :) He makes time for us.

Pet-wise

Toby has hayfever! Mom paid for his meds for the allergies, thanks Mom, and I paid for his nails to be trimmed, and heartworm/tick/flea meds. (Fortunately, they were having a sale on the Frontline Plus. PTL) I've bathed him twice in the last two months. He and I both dread the baths equally, but he feels so much better afterwards! He loves the 'drying off blanket' time the best.

Travel-wise

I've made it out of town. Not out of the state, yet, but out of town, certainly. It's something, PTL. I'd like to go to Fl and hit the beach, if it be God's will. That's one of my goals besides finding a job.

Friends-wise

What would summer be without gathering together with friends? Bor-ing. I've hung out with friends I wouldn't normally see during the school year, and a few I haven't seen in at least a year! Friends are a blessing! Thanks, Lord, for blessing me with such loving, kind, caring, and respectful friends.

Book-wise

My goal was to read at least ten books, some professional, and some just for fun, by August. I am no where near completing this one, but it's fun to try! I am reading 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Manifesting God, and a few other ones...Reading is always a part of summer for me.

Exercise-wise

I'm proud to say that for the whole month of June I exercised for an hour, five times a week, on the treadmill. The last week of June and going into July, I'm doing six times a week.  I've also added an app to track my calories. Gettin' into a shape other than 'round'.

God bless you!

"I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world." Mother Theresa